i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
