Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
