i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
