Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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