I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
