so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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