Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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