if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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