i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
