i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
