We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
