Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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