I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
