You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
