i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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