Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
