Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
