I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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