I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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