My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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