i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she looked like the before picture.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
