I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
