You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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