I want to walk on stilts...naked
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
