I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
