Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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