i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
