I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize