At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
