I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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