So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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