Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
