He uses pillows to masturbate.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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