As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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