the day after is always just damage control
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
