so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
