so that wasnt chicken after all
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
