I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Girls should come with a carfax report
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
