i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
