i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
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You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
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do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize