ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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