she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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