I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
