question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
this hospital has no fireball
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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