oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
