i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
