I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Someone signed my nipple.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
