as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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