sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
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i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
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he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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