it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
