help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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