There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
