youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
