Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
