Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
