Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
