I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
