having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
