what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
