Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
