Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
