I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
