the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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