I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
