god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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