just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
