I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
