Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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