If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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